the Chocolate egg
by BloodiedCoreOfHope
Summary: Shiro had thought he'd seen it all when king went to school and figured he knew all about king. That was until zangetsu started trying to explain to him about something called easter. Shiro was just a little bit preoccupied though... now having multiple chapters on different topics, complete and utter crackfic for you, Kubo owns bleach not me.
1. Chapter 1

_**old man zanny? why's kingy all happy this past few weeks**_

_easter_

**_easter? what's easter, do ya eat a lot in it or somat?_**

_easter is not a place, it's a time_

**_whas the point naming a time-_**

_it is an event where you eat eggs_

**_eggs?! why the heck would ya eat eggs willingly_**

_you have a problem with eggs?_

**_ya! tha have tha funny crinkly stuff underneath them tha tastes freakier than when ya gagged meh_**

_i thought we agreed not to speak of that_

**_we did but ya covered in feathers and putty is VERY funny, even king laughed at ya when ah did that_**

_i do not agree with that, he didn't laugh he-_

**_oh he laughed his ass off old man! just take a joke or two_**

_or 45872_

**_ya counted?_**

_yes-_

oi guys? i'm going to be going out for a bit so stay quiet-

_**will do! so what WAS easter anyway...**_

_well, easter happened when je-_

**_NOOOOOO! not the religeous bullshit! what ya do on _****_tha day _**

_you eat chocolate eggs and bunnys._

**_hmm..._**

_shiro... i thought we beat the body takeover plots out of you a while ago._

**_ya did. mmm..._**

_what are you thinking about then?!_

**_just use kings senses. ah..._**

_why...? oh he's eating a chocolate egg._

**_a CHOCOLATE egg!_**

zangetsu?

_yes Ichigo._

do you think we just found Shiro's weakness?

_indeed._

shiro?

_**EAT MORE CHOCOLATE!**_

_king wants to ask you something_

**_does it involve MORE CHOCOLATE?!_**

i made a chocolate forest for you it's over-

**_*whoosh*_**

there.

_well at least it got rid of him_


	2. Chapter 2

_**King~**_

what Shiro.

_**ah'm BORED~**_

Go play in your chocolate forest

_**ah already ate it~**_

Go play with Zangetsu

_Shiro broke all my poles, Ichigo_

how did shiro do that so quickly?!

_**Sonido~**_

_Fix the poles *deathglare*_

**_But Old man-~_**

_Fix _the_ poles_ now_ Shiro_

**_Ah wanted somat fun ta do...~_**

it's that or paint the kanji for 'I am a lowly horse' across your building

_**The poles are fixed now~**_

_Good job Shiro._

**_King~_**

NO, I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO THAT-

_**king...?**_

_Are you alright Ichigo?_

GODDAMNIT! YOU ARE FRIKKING USELESS-

_**King, can ah kill whoevers annoying ya?**_

what? oh damn, i forgot you guys could hear my thoughts...

**_Can ah?_**

_Yes, ichigo. while I am not a hollow like him i can appreciate his thought pattern._

It wasn't anything big, just my I-Phone playing up.

_**Whas an ah-phone**_

_It plays music_

**_Can ah make ah list o' songs on it_**

i guess...

two _**Hours **Later_

_Ichigo, why is it raining?_

**_Yeah king, why IS it raining?_**

Yuzu found your playlist Shiro

_I told him not to put so many emo songs on it-_

**_It's not emo if it's Heavy Metal and Rock, it's awesome then._**

_It is emo if it's got even half your vocabulary in it_

**_Mah vocabulary?_**

_the words you use._

**_oh, guess it is then. ya playlist is just as bad._**

****_contemporary Piano is not bad!_

**_Ya sure 'bout that?_**

Guys?

_Yes._

**_Yes kingy._**

Shut up


	3. Chapter 3

**_King?_**

Yeah Shiro?

_**Ya know how your soul's like five times betta than ya body?**_

Yes Shiro, I knew that already.

**_Well, What if ya trained ya body_.**

...

_**It makes sense right, ya can just train it a little and that makes ya soul lots stronger.**_

that's, actually a good idea Shiro!

_We should train in the sword art._

_**Yeah King, that would mean ya don't just swing Zanny here around**_

_Zangetsu, not Zanny-_

Well, I'll just head to town for a sword-

_Get one like tensa, I doubt they do one like my shikai._

**_Well king, GET GOING!_**

I'm going already!

...

So, see anything you like guys?

_**Not yet.**_

Now?

_**Not yet.**_

Where's Zangetsu? He would normally be moaning at the poor craft of swords here or something till we found a lookalike to tensa.

_**Ah kinda had ta block him out.**_

Why?

_**Ya don't wanna know, King you really don't.**_

You sure I don't?

**_ah'm you, course ah know ya don't._**

Would you mind UN-blocking him?

**_Ya funeral..._**

_YES MY BROTHERS! COME HERE, COME TO YOUR MASTER-_

**_That's why ah blocked him out for ya_**

I see. We will never speak of this again?

_**Never.**_


	4. Chapter 4

**OOOOOooooOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooOOO**

right, so five times that is that-

**ooooOOOOOOOOOOOooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

_Shiro. what are you doing?_

**_Tha SHINYZ COMMAND ME!_**

the shinys?

_**THA SHINYZ ARE GOD!**_

_Shiro? are you alright?_

yeah shiro, what ARE the Shinys.

_**GOD! THA SHINYZ ARE **_**GOD!**

_Shiro, do the 'SHINYZ' have a physical form?_

Come on shiro, you can tell us, we are technically one soul.

_**Ya using the shinyz right now...**_

_well, that leaves Ichigo's maths homework, earphones, computer and lam-_

**_THOU SHALL NOT SAY THE SHINYZ TRUE FORM!_**

does that mean the shinyz is my lamp-

_**NOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooOOOO...**_

_Shiro._

**_NAH! YA'LL ARE EVIL_**

_Shiro-_

**_SHUT UP YA EVIL MONSTA_**

_Shiro. there is a pile of candy over there._

**_SHUT U- wait? did you say CANDY!?_**

_yes._

am I the only person here who thinks his weakness is sweet stuff.

_no, Ichigo. You are most certainly not._


	5. Chapter 5

_Hmmm dee dum hmm dee deee de dum doo dum-_

**_Zanny? tha heck are ya doing_**

_Humming~!_

**_UH-HUH. Ah thought ah was tha insane one here and your humming is annoying meh!_**

_I like this tune. It makes me think of pretty sunsets._

**_Prettah sunsets?_**

_Yes! they are the most beautiful thing in this city._

**_T-T. Its a mind-scape Old Man._**

_so-_

Could you guys just shut up and leave each other alone.

_hmm doo da dee deee dum hmmm doo daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~_

**_SHUT THA HELL UP!_**

_B-But then-_

**_ah don't care what will happen if ya shut up other than mah headache goin' away._**

_BUT THE BUSH!_

the bush?

_YES! the bush, the one that is in here that separates us two._

**_Its more than one bush nah._**

should I be worried that there is a multiplying bush inside my head?

_It is not muliplying!_

I just heard Shiro say that there's more than one.

_Because I TRIM them!_

**_DAMN STRAIGHT OLD MAN! ya owe meh sixty seven blackberries and three raspberrys nah!_**

?

**_ah had a bet going on about when he'd tell ya 'bout his hobby._**

_it's not a hobby if it's the only thing you can do, It's a life skill then._

**_Just cause ya prune bushes all tha time doesn't mean ya can call it a life skill._**

_it does._

**_whatever ya say old man zann, whatever ya say._**

Zangetsu trims bushes?****

**_..._**

**_ya still hung up on that?_**


	6. Chapter 6

_we shall always be there~_

**_OH! we shall ALWAYS be there~_**

_yes, yes we're always going to be here, here forever~_

**_Here, here until you die!~_**

WHAT THE ******************** ARE YOU DOING?

_Why Ichigo? didn't you hear!~_

**_It's Time!~_**

_time for your empire to END!~_

**_END!~_**

Uh Huh. and why are you singing?

**_Because~_**

_If we didn't~_

**_then we wouldn't be~_**

_true partners!~_

true partners...?

_**Well if truth be told~**_

_Shiro-chan here~_

**_Lost a bet~_**

_but he had beat~_

**_the old man~_**

_a moment before~_

**_and the result was~_**

_Us two having~_

**_to sing together and reshape your mind!~_**

and how are you going to do that?

_Just look at your computer screen~_

**_for a single moment~_**

_and you will SEE!~_

what do you mean- *smashing sound*

_ah look over there!~_

**_it is HAPPENING!~_**

_THE DESERT~_

**_OF CAKE AND~_**

_THE FOREST OF~_

**_CHOCOLATE ARE~_**

_SPLITTING TO FORM~_

**_THE STRAWBERRY SAUCE LAKE!~_**

Ugh... what happened to me?

_nothing important Ichigo_

**_look over there!_**

is that a... pink lake...?

_yes._

**_do you want to know how Kingy?_**

I really don't think I do


	7. Chapter 7

_**OHMAHGODOHMAHGODOHMAHGODOHMAH-**_

_what are you yelling for Shiro?_

yeah, you know I can hear you right?

_**ah know... ah just...**_

_just what?_

**_Well ah kinda..._**

You kinda...?

_just spit it out Shiro, it can't be that bad._

**_ah've got split ends!_**

_?_

**_ya heard meh! Ah... Ah got split ends! *crying*_**

_that was what the fuss was about?_

**_IT'S NOT FUSS IF ITS A REAL PROBLEM!_**

_It was a problem...?_

**_NO!_**

_no?_

**_IT WAS A... A _****DISASTER!**

_A disaster huh..._

**_ya *sniffles*_**

_did you just... sniffle?_

**_Is that a problem... *unsheathing sounds*_**

_not at all, have you tried shampoo?_

**_wha-wha's shampah?_**

_shampoo is a hair product._

**_*water and scrubbing sounds*_**

_ah... NOW I can unblock us._

Old man? why is their water sounds from in there?

_I'm not sure you want to know. Milkshake?_

what?

_nevermind_


	8. Chapter 8

_Shiro?_

**_Uh-huh._**

_what are you _doing_?_

**_Focusing..._**

_On-_

**_SHUSH! _**

_*whispering* why?_

**_ya might scare tha critter away.._**

_It's a bunny._

**_Shush..._**

_0.0_

**_AWW... aren't ya a cutie! oh yes, yes ya is a very cute cutie! you is!_**

_*backs away slowly*_

Zangetsu-

_**SHUSH YA IDIOT! it's okay, papa'll scare away the big meanie weanie, yes papa will!**_

is he... pet talking it...?

_it appears so._

0.0

_I know._

**_I is gonna call you Ogichi! ya is the opposite of the big meanie weanie over there so ya name, IS THE REVERSE!_**

chattering sounds

_I don't think it-_

**_IT LOVES MEH TILL AH IS DEAD!_**

_if you say so._

OK... wait, ZANGETSU!

_uh-huh._

what are you doing?!

_it's so pretty~_

now my zanpakuto is thinking my inner hollows pet chappy is pretty, whatever next?

_Ichigo?~_

what.

_can I have a bunny like Shiro's Ogichi?_

*facepalm*


	9. Chapter 9

_mmm..._

**_are ya-_**

_yes._

**_why-_**

_it's nice._

**_can ah-_**

_no._

**_why not?_**

_..._

whats going on?

**_old man zan won't let meh in tha strawberry sauce hot spring._**

we have a strawberry sauce hot spring...?

_is that a problem..._

no, it isn't but why is it-

_remember the pink lake?_

...

can I go in?

_... no._

why not~

_**ah think he's a tad embarrassed.**_

embarrassed?

_bankai._

_**huh?**_

oh crap!

_***running **_sounds*

_**did he just go bankai on us because he was embarrassed.**_

i think he did...

_**wow.**_

hey, does this mean the hot springs free...?

_**YES!**_


	10. Chapter 10

_HICHIGO, ATTACK!_

**_OGICHI! DEFEND YOURSELF... NOW!_**

_HICHIGO...!_

What. the. hell.

_Shiro hurt the bush._

the bush...

_yes, the bush I trim? remember..._

I remember. why exactly are you using your bunny to attack him.

_come in here._

why...?

_**just do what tha ol' man says, ne?**_

_SHIRO! hichigo, attack._

*scratching sounds*

_**god frikking damnit! that thing has some claws on it! OGICHI!**_

*more scratching sounds and yelps*

that's it. I'm coming in...

_now do you see?_

no. I do not see...

_HE HURT THE TREE!_

how? it looks normal...

_**OI! KING! GET THAT DAMNED SWORD TO CALL OFF HIS- GODAMN YOU RABBIT!**_

_look closer at the tree of you._

which ones me?

_can't you tell...?_

no.

_it's that one._

they look exactly the same. T.T

_the one with... never mind! just look at that branch...!_

it... has a tiny dent in it...?

_THAT DENT IS MASSIVE!_

_**tha whole frikkin' tree's massive.**_

_so? ban-_

*swirling sound*

***swirling sound***

_Did those two just leave the mind scape?_

thank goodness you know how to block us out!

_**I know right?**_

your awesome sometimes.

**SOMETIMES?!**

all the time's sometimes!

_**is it?**_

y-yeah.

_**... good.**_


	11. Chapter 11

**...**

where. is. SHIRO?!

_I do not know._

really...

_honest._

**...**

why can I hear an ellipsis?! how is that even POSSIBLE?!

_it just is._

**...**

this is kind of... weird?

_indeed._

your enjoying this, aren't you?

_is that a... problem?_

**...**

ARGH! if I hear that ellipsis one more time I am going to-!

_stay quiet._

...

**...**

_that's better... wait, what are you doing!_

that damn ellipsis is annoying. so I'm going to stop it...

_fine._

_**... tasty...**_

tasty...?

_**very tasty.**_

what's tasty Shiro?

_**this stuff.**_

_that's my..._

the cake is yours?

_well... since Shiro has his chocolate forest and you have your strawberry sauce lake, the desert of cake was decided mine._

the hot springs.

_we fought on who got those, I knew my sword form better so I won... _

**_this cake, whatever it is delicious!_**

delicious?

_don't. even. think about it._

ok! NOT THINKING ABOUT IT!

_good..._


	12. Chapter 12

_ah-Ah-AAH-AHHHHH!_

**_What the bloody hell are ya doing?!_**

_singing~ AH-~ ahhh~ AH!_

_**well DAMN! ya soooo good!**_

_thank you!_

**_sarcasm..._**

SHUT UP!

_**why?**_

The serial killers just about to... no! he actually did it! NO WAY!

_**ooh! can ah see...? aww, it's just a movie! that's no fun...**_

... did you just?

_**is there a problem with wanting to have fun...?**_

when it's that kind of thing... I'm just going to ignore you know, K Shiro?

_**fine... whatcha doing Old Man?**_

_still singing~ ahh AHH ah AH ah ah AHHHH!_

**_see these earmuffs? they DIED because of you._**

_what a surprise~ can I have one? I think they might look good on Hichigo..._

**_Weird._**

_they would!_

**_they're corpses._**

_so...?_

**_you know what?_**

_what~_

**_F*CK OFF!_**

_your quite mean right now Shiro. are you on your man period- ACK! D-DON'T KILL me-_

**_This was brought to you by evil grin co._**

huh? did I miss something?

**_*facepalm* Yes. Yes you did._**


	13. Chapter 13

Shiro?

**Yeah, Kingy….**

You know how you can do cero…?

**Yeah…**

Yes, um… would you teach me…?

**T.T why should ah?**

Cause I'm king and-

**Nah. Not gonna teach ya, Kingy.**

Why not!?

**Just cause.**

_Ichigo, He's not going to show you that._

Why, Old Man?

_Well…_

What? Well what?

_He kind of-_

**DON'T TELL HIM STUPID SWORD!**

Fine, then. If you don't want Zangetsu to tell me, you then.

**Um… do I have to?**

Yes.

**It's kinda like… well…**

Spit it out Shiro!

**IKindacantdoit!**

You… can't do cero?

**No. that's why… I get the whole lot.**

Whole lot?

**High speed regeneration, super strong attacks, inhuman speed an' ….**

And what?

**Well… it's kinda… um…**

_If you don't tell him, I will._

**Fine then, ya stupid ol' man…**

Well…?

**I kinda have this instead… *stabs his sword in the air***

_Do you know what he just did, Ichigo?_

No…

_Come in here then. Now._

Okay, wait- what?!

**It's not funny. Seriously!**

There is a sea of talking balloons. That's funny.

… **It's not.**

Why? What could be funnier than this?

**Go on, touch one.**

*nyan cat song fills the air*

That's just… evil.

**I'm a hollow. *deadpans***

_Still, it's a very deceitful tactic. _

**I guess…**

Have some chocolate, your forest is back again.

*three hours later*

**ah love this!**

*Ichigo and zangetsu walk closer to the forest*

_Oh god. It's back again._

Here, have some earmuffs.

_Thank you._


	14. Chapter 14

_**I am a turtle!**_

_no, Shiro, you are not a turtle._

**_am too!_**

_are not._

**_I AM A TTTUUURRRTTTLLLEEE!_**

_No, you are not. prove it._

**_I have a shell...?_**

_cardboard._

**_I'm green._**

_paint._

**_I am insane._**

_yes. you are._

Old man, just let the hollow have his fun. he's a turtle for today-

_**I WAS ALWAYS A TURTLE!**_

_no. you are today though._

**_I'm what...?_**

_*f_a_c_e _p_a_l_m_*_

**_seriously, what am I?_**

_shiro._

**_yes._**

_go back to sleep_

**_why should I?_**

you do still want chocolate tonight, don't you?


End file.
